Not Usually What We've Planned...or Even Expected.

What was it that you wanted to "be" when you "grew up"?
Did you get there?

I have two boys that are 5 and 6 years of age. Both are enrolled in Kindergarten. Both are an extreme delight to me and I am always taken by their wonderment and their view of the world and how things "should" work.
Just the other day my wife and I accompanied the boys to their first 'open house' at their school. If you've never been to one because of not having children, they're really cool. If you've never been to one because you "haven't had time"and you DO have children......well.....I don't want to sound judgemental.....but.......man, your missing out brother. So, anyways, it's a casual event where you meet the teachers and discuss a little bit about what the kids have been learning and view the fruits of their endeavors. Artwork of all types and examples of progression in handwriting skills. Paintings of critters, cars, mommy and daddy. Glued together Popsicle sticks with cotton balls and beans to express the budding artists' idea of what a bunny rabbit should look like. And for this day and age.....computer aided drawings. An elementary application ( I'm guessing) of C.A.D. But none-the-less impressive for a 5 year old.
After expressing our appreciation of the teachers' close attention to our boys' education and the care that they take in being an example of good morality and politeness (there's something to be said for small town living and values), we ventured on to the cafeteria for the actual "Art Show". Man-o-Man. Bumper to bumper parents. I mean it look like a saturday morn'n gunshow in Texas with free admission for all. It was packed.
Now I've never been a crowd love'n kind of guy. I'm rather partial to open spaces and a noise level only slightly higher than that of a really hop'n bluegrass band. I don't go for much of the 'hussle and bussle' style of white noise you might say. But this was awesome. My boys were so very proud to show off their artwork and introduce us to their best friend.....and then their other best friend.....then another best friend.
As we were shuffling along the (of course) narrow aisles, we made little acquaintances along the way. While never really making introductions or bothering with the other adult required blah-blah of "What do you do?" or "Where ya' from?" Nope! No time for all that. But it was an understood thing though. We weren't there for an adult social hour. This was all about 'our' little Einsteins and Rembrandtes. I don't believe anybody was put off by the lack of formalities. Quite the opposite I think. Kinda' refreshing to not have to engage in that old time tradition of 'rub'n elbows' with the Jones'. I don't think we missed any invitations to any Bridge games either though.
One of the aisles of displayed arts and crafts consisted of pieces that had the children's photographs on them and a little excerpt about what they wanted to be when they grew up. This was a very popular section of the show with the parents. Everyone took joy in sharing with one another as they went along reading the different and sometimes laughable answers to the always asked childhood question. Some were expected and typical for most American boys and girls. " I'm wanna be a doctor.", "I'm gonna be a princess.", a policeman, a firefighter, a teacher, a spaceman (astronaut), a motorcycle man, a mall cop (yup, that's what it said), and I loved this one......this girl might be president......." to be the best I can be".....you go girl.
Both of my boys' visions had pictured them both doing things that I myself said that I'd like to have been when I grew up. Gavin wanted to be a policeman. Not a "cop". A policeman. Evan wanted to be a cowboy. I still want that. I was crushed when I realized that I couldn't just grab a horse and blanket and ride the open range. Harrrrumph!
The "show" and the whole experience was just another high light of my life. One I'll never forget. One I'll play again and again in my mind when I look at my sons as they grow through the years. Watching and being there for the changes that'll keep ever shaping and molding the ideas of what they're gonna "be"or how they'll want "to be".
There in is the point that I want to get at. Address....if you will. What was it that you wanted to be? Did you get there? Was it what you dreamed it would be? Are you disappointed now? Are you over joyed with the accomplishment of reaching your dreams?
Well, we all had ideas of what it would be like to be 'big' and to be 'in charge'. To do what we wanted to do. Along the way we've all had our ups and downs and done and been things that we would have never dreamed of, much less thought of as part of what we were gonna do when we grew up. Some good, some bad. Some of us have reached that goal set for us. Either the one we chose and dreamed of. Or the one that was implanted in our minds that we needed to be. Someone Else's idea of what was best for us.
Some are still searching and working hard to get there. I admire your fortitude. Keep pushing til you reach your dream's goal. Just don't lose sight of what really matters of what you "are". I don't mean to sound as though I've given up on what I wanted to be or do. Things change. So I've changed also. And...that....ain't so bad. A blessing to be truthful.

Here's some questions I'd like to pose to you. Are you where you think you wanna be? Do you feel like you've gotten to that place you wanted to reach? Are you still try'n to get there? Have you given up, thinking your not gonna make it, or is this all it's gonna be? Still whip'n yourself like a horse to get there? This ain't enough? I want more? More? More?
Well.......have you ever thought.......that your right where God has always intended you to be and that he's got you on a path and headed straight in the direction he's had planned for you since before the beginning of time? Well......maybe you haven't. Or you don't. Because most of us feel as if WE are in charge of our "destiny". I did.
In my life of thirty eight years, almost thirty nine, I've "done" and "been" alot of things. Some I'm not so proud of. Some, because I had to. Others, because I "thought" I had to. Some were honest endeavors. Some half-hearted. Some I didn't really even care to try. But there were those that I worked so very diligently for. Worked hard for. It seemed I gave it all I could.
I've been a wash-boy for a car dealership, a mechanic, service advisor, service manager. I've sold automobile parts, services and peddled motorcycles I had built on my own. I've flipped burgers at greasy spoons. Served truckers and 'wholesome' families alike. Cooked steaks and 'good ole home cookin' for everyday people and for the private party. I've been a trucker. Haul'n fertilizers, fruits, and furniture. I've shuttled greyhound racing dogs from Kansas and Nebraska down through and to Texas and Florida. Got to work on a farm and almost thought I'd make a cowboy. I've laid underground power lines, erected telephone poles and seen whole communities develop before my eyes.
I've been a soldier for Uncle Sam, a Tactical Security Officer for corporate corrupt American businesses. A roady and stage hand for rock'n blues festivals and a bartender and bouncer for your local dive bar. Did my time in factories and felt like every other cow in the herd. I've had nice homes and I've been homeless. I've been flush with friends and I've been so lonesome I'd cry. Worn the soles from a many a pair of boots and driven a many a mile in cars, motorcycles, and trucks that have come and gone like the soles of those shoes.
I've been a drunk, a 'druggy', a liar, and a cheat. I've been proud, prosperous, and content. I've been given plaques and awards for my tireless efforts and dedication and I've been so low I didn't want to live. I've experienced love at first sight and let it slip away. I had at one time turned my back on all that had loved me.......even God. Tried to end my life three times and survived and struggled through the deaths of the ones closest to me. Been wanted and chased by the law and asked stand up for and speak up for those in need. I've been hateful, bitter, and scornful. I've been compassionate, merciful and most kind.
All of these things I did not plan for. I had given no thought to that this would have been my path or 'lot' in life. I wanted to be a cowboy. Or even a policeman. Not a "cop". A policeman.
Given consideration of all these things that I had been or I have done. Through the heartache and the pain. The thick and the thin. I would not trade it away or change a thing.
I have come to a place where I finally feel I am supposed to be. Who I am supposed to be. I have found that after all this and through all the years of my errant ways. With all my faults and failings that I'd blamed on God. Given no thought when I was full and rich and successful to the favor of God. Cursing his name in easy conversation. Never beholding to none. Especially God.
I find myself at another place that I'd not planned for. For even after all of this and even after my denial of his almighty glorious ways. I find that he still loves me. He has always loved me and has always provided a way for me. When I spoke of times when I was lucky to have survived or to have come out on top. It was not luck at all. It was love. It was a blessing. His blessings for me.
I find myself married after twenty years to the woman I feel in love with at first sight. Two beautiful boys and I find myself loving my life and wanting to live. Live for the Lord. Live for my children and my wife. To live for you and the person next to you. For the guy on the street corner. To live and tell the world about my Father who has saved me and given me life. I am forgiven and I am held on high by his love. I enjoy God's favor every moment I live and I am continuously thankful and in praise of him. I am no longer the things I had been labeled and pinned to be. That man is dead and gone. Jesus has given me new life while even though I am not worthy. Because he loves me.
So you may have had a plan for what you've wanted to "be". Or your still work'n on what you were gonna do when you grew up. And that's wonderful. If you've accomplished it. Congratulations. If your still try'n. Keep after it. Don't give up, if it's what you really want. Just don't lose sight of what really matters. God.
And remember. You may have plans......but God has already had a plan for you. Since before the beginning of time. He loves you and wants to see you in his light. He has favor for you and still is on the throne most high. He has taken a man of my sorts from being one of this world and of worldly means and desires and has ordained me a minister of his glorious word.
So don't think of your failures or setbacks or shortcomings as an end. Your just on a journey.A journey of faith. A journey on a path laid out for you with a most spectacular and glorious end.
Glory to God!
And to think.......I wanted to be a cowboy.